Sorry it has been awhile since my last post. I've been quite preoccupied having a complete mental and emotional breakdown for the past week... or two... maybe three!!!
The short version of the story:
The 6 month anniversary of my mom's passing, Mother's Day without my most favorite mommy, my dad having surgery for prostate cancer, my hormones wildly messing with my emotions for several days each month, my 3 year old son has completely losing his mind... as well as any sense of hearing his mother, and my almost-six year old daughter believing that she is indeed the ruler of the free world and must argue each and every syllable spoken between us!!!!
All these things converged in my brain and heart last week. My outlook and mindset were not overly perky, to say the least! I was searching for a dark cave to live in until the storm passed!
My ongoing "life saver" is my little "chunk" of time carved out of each morning WAY before the munchkins get up... my time for mental,emotional and spiritual nurturing and preparation for the day. Even THAT was blown out of the water last week! The kids decided that they needed to get up an hour earlier now... and promptly begin fighting with each other and crying (and whining) to their mother.
So much for preparation for the day!
I have felt very "tested" for the last few weeks. I feel like God has been saying, "OK missy... I know you have the tools to deal with all this. Enough lip service! Let me see you put it all to use!"
I tried several times saying, "No, thank you." Apparently, God's not much better at listening to me than my 3 year old! (just kiddin', God!)
Some of my greatest lessons and blessings (and reminders) from the past few weeks have been to actively search for the good each day. Not always easy when it seems deeply buried in the "crap" of life!
Oh, and none of it is really "crap". It's all a gift from God... some of it just has really ugly wrapping paper!
I've also found that sometimes the "good" is just a split second in time, or a beautiful moment, or one teeny tiny thing... not always a "The kids were fabulous all day today! Isn't life great?!" type of "good". Sometimes it's just the car ride that goes well, or prayer at dinner, or seeing the kids dance together, or a big group hug, or one silly moment where we all crack up, or a sweet smile, or a butterfly kiss, or a soothing moment in the rocking chair, or pointing out the beautiful flowering trees on the way to school and noticing the blooming flowers!
The "good" is all around us, all the time. Yes, so are the things that drive us loopy! My reminder was that it takes effort to see the good in the midst of the 'bad'. It's a discipline. It takes practice.
Plus, seeing the good is a WHOLE lot more fun and feels WAY better than only seeing the 'bad'!
Surprisingly, it also feels like a graduation of sorts, to a higher level of being human, when you make it through a dark period and are able to more clearly see the beauty in life and all its blessings.
Fully experiencing some dark moments and dark days helps us fully experience the richness, beauty and joy of brighter moments. Although it certainly doesn't always feel nice at the time, I do believe it creates balance in life. There's a flip side to every coin!
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